bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
