You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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