you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
