Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
