and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
