Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
