i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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