hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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