i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
