Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
