oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Your cock deserves a montage
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
