Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
NoShamevember. You game?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
