meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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