first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
