just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I would ride that face into the sunset
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize