I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
