is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
