vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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