Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
