My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
