i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
