If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
