where am i from again
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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