he wants to bone in the snuggie
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
