I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
