Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
