whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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