I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
