So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
