I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
