dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
