people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
