Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I didn't shave. On purpose
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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