Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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