i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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