yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
