so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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