the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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