Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
