i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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