who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
