She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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