She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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