Christians are straight up FREAKS
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
