We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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