I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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