apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
