my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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