i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
