You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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