My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
