Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
