he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
