she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
