I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
