mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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