can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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