My nipple is on Facebook.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
