Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
